By: Katrina Penaflor Managing Editor
Sarah Palin and her gun slinging, rapid rhyming, sweater-that looks-like it’s-made-of-needles ways are on a fast track of promotions for presidential hopeful Donald Trump.
After her recent endorsement during a speech in Ames, Iowa, Palin met with two wolves–yes, animals–to discuss why she thinks Trump should be our next president.
The wolves graciously asked me to type up the article because they are wolves and don’t understand how to work a computer.
Here is a retelling of their interview with Palin.
“I feel very comfortable with you,” said Palin, upon meeting the wolves. “You feisty-like-me animals, you soft, loving creatures, you hard workers, always the ones to lend an ear when I’ve got somethin’ to say.”
The wolves nodded in response before they asked Palin why she is supporting Trump. Or what about his campaign led her to her endorsement.
“I’ve seen through my oddly frameless eyeglasses at least 65 percent of the episodes of ‘The Apprentice,’” Palin said. “And not the regular one, the celebrity one. That was enough to convince me that this man could run our country.”
She then winked back at Trump who stood awkwardly behind her. Although, due to his stance, it may or may not have just been a cardboard cutout of him.
“We need a Commander in Chief, Chief Keef, Kiefer Sutherlund-type to take control of our country,” added Palin.
The former Alaskan governor continued to shout out acronyms that sounded oddly similar to names of drugs before she finished the interview with, “Yes, I would absolutely make an excellent Vice President alongside Mr. Trump here.”
But this final response confused the wolves because they had asked Palin where she purchased her sweater.
When they tried to ask the question again, Palin pointed her fingers like guns and said “Pew, pew,” before shaking the wolves’ paws and leaving the interview with a smile on her face.
The accuracy of these events may be skewed due to the wolves’ poor penmanship and their inability to retell events. For questions regarding this story please contact TheseAreNotRealEvents@omgmail.com
