Mount Hood

Take a sip of egg nog when …

The Western Howl Staff

Take a sip of egg nog when …

A family member complains about COVID-19

Someone mentions Kate Brown

A cousin wears a tail to dinner

Any family member impulse-buys off Amazon after a single recommendation

Someone tries to hit the high note in Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” and fails

If one of your younger cousins tries to hit the woah 

A family member says the votes need to be recounted

A baby spits up and everyone says ‘awwww’

Your aunty shows off your baby cousin but it’s ugly :/

You film a tiktok (drink again if you post it)

You get socks as a gift

If your uncle brags way too much about the money he saved by going to Disney World during COVID

Your family still decides to invite those “family friends” you hardly know to dinner

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I’m giving you a coupon to shut up 

 

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Oh look it’s a mug that says C–t and the C is the handle. I thought it matched your personality.

 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Unlock your next gift with a healthy donation of $30 

 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

I know you hate cheeseburgers, so I got you a cheeseburger without the cheese.

 

Leo 7/23-8/22

No, I didn’t get you anything. Did I get you???

 

Virgo 8/23-9/22

One (1) free pass to your local occult meeting

 

Libra 9/23-10/22

A stapler and loose staples placed inside neon jello. Useful and delicious! 

 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

enjoy my half-drunk peppermint mocha 🙂

 

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

What’s that? You don’t want this gag ball?

 

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I couldn’t afford a gift this year, so I got you this box

 

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

It’s sudoku toilet paper! Figured you needed something to do while you’re in there for an hour

 

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I hope you enjoy this personalized notebook with a 2-page note I wrote for you and this scrap book and this mug and…