Mount Hood

Horoscopes

Aries 3/21-4/19
You are now named Albert. Every single last one of you, Aries. Sorry, It’s written in the stars.

Taurus 4/20-5/20
Two tickets to Hamilton are in your future, Taurus … or is it two tickets to Hamlet at the local community theatre? I can’t quite remember.

Gemini 5/21-6/20
The answer to question number four on your test on Tuesday is B.

Cancer 6/21-7/22
Mango. All you Cancers out there know exactly what I’m talking about.

Leo 7/23-8/22
This is the phone number to call, 541-613-9854. Ask for Rhonda and she’ll transfer you to William.

Virgo 8/23-9/22
Vestibulum pretium avia misit vos tabellariorum septimana.

Libra 9/23-10/22
Stop putting mayonnaise on everything, Libra. That’s gross.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21
I’ve set up a blind date for you, Scorpio. Meet this mystery woman named Brianna at the gazebo at the park on Main St. on Wednesday, April 13. Only single attractive men, please.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Sagittarius, looks like Peaches will arrive in your yard at 7:33 p.m. this Saturday. Do not miss this.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I just ordered you a shirt that says “bun in the oven.” And, yes, beautiful, talented fake astrologers like myself do have Amazon Prime accounts, so it will be arriving shortly.

Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Looks like a full moon is approaching this weekend, Aquarius. But that literally has nothing to do with the poor fortune I’m sending your way. You’re going to run into your ex-girlfriend this weekend. Be sure to prepare a quick speech of all things going right in your life.

Pisces 2/19-3/20
You will finally be rewarded for being a trash girl, Pisces. And it’s about damn time.

How Superhero Movies Fail Their Characters

By: Declan Hertel
Entertainment Editor

There are a lot of superhero movies these days. This is not news to anyone. They consistently make big, big money at the box office, and there’s no real end in sight, with Marvel’s release schedule stretching at least into 2020 and DC’s cinematic universe just getting revved up.

These films have a deep and rich history of heroes and storylines and villains and themes to pull from; some of these characters have been around three times as long as I’ve been alive, having adventures in their countless comic books. So, it seems to me, the question is: why are these films so shallow?

Let’s waste no time: modern superhero movies aren’t allowed to take risks because they only have two hours and need to appeal to as broad an audience as possible to recoup the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on making them, and then some. Meanwhile, comic books cost a fraction of a fraction of a movie budget to produce and distribute, and can tell stories over the long term. Because of their low cost and long form nature, they’re allowed to (gasp) take risks with their storytelling, to tackle heavy issues and really meditate upon the American consciousness in a meaningful way.

Carmen Petaccio wrote a piece for The Atlantic this March about the increasing darkness of superhero films, and how this washed-out grittiness feels false, or out of place for stories about superheroes, and refers to the “Civil War” storyline, the basis for the next Captain America movie, as if it was created out of thin air for the films as a cynical attempt to keep the audience interested. This is a somewhat disheartening example of Did-Not-Do-the-Research: it would take a minimum of effort to find that in fact, the “Civil War” arc was a long and sordid affair in the comics world. And, while I agree with him that the upcoming film looks like mediocre fan fiction, that’s only because it literally doesn’t have the time available to it to tell the story well. In comics, the “Civil War” was a brutal and bloody conflict, involving pretty much the whole Marvel universe, over freedom vs. security in America: do we force heroes to register and be under government control, or do we let them continue independently and assume the risks therein? This is an issue even more prominent today than it was when the arc began, and I fear that the films will only pay lip service to these themes in exchange for two and a half hours of colorful men punching each other.

Comics are also the only superhero medium that allow heroes to be rounded, three-dimensional characters (though of the TV series, “Daredevil” comes close, and “Jessica Jones” closer, and yet … ) John Green railed against Batman in a Vlogbrothers video from about a year ago, saying that if Bruce Wayne/Batman really wanted to help Gotham, he’d invest his money in schools, rebuilding the crumbling infrastructure, into bringing the city into the modern age; instead, he pours gajillions of dollars into gizmos and gadgets for him to use to bring down Gotham’s psycho population, only for them to escape from Arkham Asylum, so he must begin the cycle anew. This is an absolutely fair criticism of the movie version of Batman (specifically speaking here about Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” trilogy): he comes off as a selfish, near narcissistic playboy who gets off on beating criminals to a pulp when the sun goes down, and who seems to care precious little about the well-being of the city.

But in reading the pretty freaking brilliant run of “New 52: Batman,” written by Scott Snyder of “American Vampire” fame, after a badass opening fight (because let’s not forget that Batman is a badass), Bruce Wayne delivers a speech unveiling a plan to do literally all the stuff Green claimed Bruce Wayne doesn’t do. He promises to rebuild the infrastructure, fund schools, and modernize Gotham’s public transport, among other plans. He notes that he already has a number of highly interested donors and buildings already all but underway (and yeah the new buildings he proposes will include new Bat-outposts for him to use, but they will also be the source of legitimate boosts to Gotham). In these comics, Bruce Wayne is a deeply troubled man with a savior complex and deep love for his city that he utilizes his ultra-wealth to act upon, both as Batman when night falls and in his own guise as a philanthropist.

And this is where movies fall short. They can’t show the truly interesting and meaningful explorations of the humanity of heroes. They can’t show the nitty gritty. They can’t show Bruce Wayne glad-handing with potential investors and donors. Audiences (especially in the Chinese market, but that’s a different article entirely) want to see colorful dude number one punch colorful dude number two in the face. While this can be fun, it totally misses the point of superhero stories, which is the same point of Greek myths: godlike beings who struggle with their inherent humanity.

Superheroes at their best give us a new way to explore the human condition through the struggles of powerful beings. Unfortunately, I fear that with superhero films being the purely for-fun, somewhat vapid popcorn flicks they are, superheroes and comic books are experiencing reinforcement of the stereotype that they are for children and maladjusted man-children. But at their best, they’re not: besides the decidedly adult stories of a great many franchises (having just read DC’s brutal and disturbing and brilliant “Death of the Family” arc, I can attest that this shit ain’t for the younger set), they’re a means, like Greek myth, to explore being human through the eyes of the superhuman, to cast light directly on human foibles as they shine through the cracks in the armor and deeds of these characters.

Contact the author at dherterl12@wou.edu or on Twitter @journalfuntimes

THE EDITOR DOTH PICK

“Stuff and Nonsense” is a fantastic little card/board game from Cheapass Games. You and your opponents are would-be adventurers who scour the outskirts of London for somewhat exotic trinkets and tidbits that you can use as evidence of your non-adventures, so that you can go to the prestigious Adventurer’s Club and spin fantastic tales about places you’ve never been (it’s pronounced “chee-NAH,” yes?). It’s fast, easy to learn, and if you’ve got even a single performative bone in your body, it has proven great fun in my sessions to pour some drinks, give each other silly posh-sounding names (Sir Beefwellington of the Oxfordshire Beefwellingtons, for example), and relate our tales in great detail with gusto and British accents. Your first game will probably take about an hour while you learn, and from then on it can take as little as 40 minutes, or a couple hours, depending on whether you play it as a straight up card game or take more time to relish in the stories you tell. I highly recommend it.

Scooting. I’m that dude that scoots everywhere around campus. Scooting is way more fun than that walking garbage y’all are doing. Plus it looks hella doofy and I think we all need to be more comfortable with being doofy. They got ‘em at Target for $30-ish, #scootlife breh join the revolution.

THE EDITOR PICKETH NOT

… superhero movies. Not superheroes, just this recent explosion of films based on them. I have a lot to say about this, so check the full article at wou.edu/westernjournal.

Clash Royale Hits the U.S. App Store

By: Ashton Newton
Staff Writer

The modern App Store has become very predictable. Each week, it gets updated with a fresh batch of Clash of Clans clones and Flappy Bird clones, more than one could count.

Developer Supercell started the action base-building craze with their 2012 release of Clash of Clans. The game is estimated to make $1.5 million per day.

Last month saw the release of Supercell’s Clash Royale, a pocket-sized MOBA based off the characters and world from Clash of Clans. And it’s amazing.

For anyone who doesn’t know, MOBA stands for Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, and games like League of Legends and DOTA 2 have taken over the competitive gaming market. Each year, multi-million dollar tournaments are held and professional players from around the world battle.

But with Clash Royale, the idea of the MOBA game is simplified and put in the pockets of the masses. The game pits you against another player and you have to send out troops to destroy the other players towers and castle, the first to lose their castle loses the battle.

Clash Royale instantly became the top grossing and most downloaded app on the App Store upon its release. Today it sits comfortably as the second top-grossing app, with Clash of Clans at number three.

It’s a simple game, yet there is so much room to master it and become more competitive. The game features cards for different troops that you can send out, so over time you can collect them in game and play around with different line-ups. There are 48 cards in total.

The game also has a feature called TV Royale, where you can instantly start watching a game between two players at the highest rank for enjoyment or to see the strategies of others. You can also, just like Clash of Clans, join a clan with your friends and talk, casually battle, and trade cards.

Clash Royale is free to play, but gives you the chance to spend real money on gems and coins to get more or improve your cards.

Clash Royale is out now on the Apple App Store and Android Market.

Contact the author at anewton15@wou.edu

April Fools’ Day takes over the internet

By: Ashton Newton
Staff Writer

There’s one day a year where it is not safe if you are a fan of anything to go on the Internet, and that day is April 1.

My April Fools’ Day started with seeing the new trailer for the Star Wars Netflix Series: Wrath of Maul up on IGNs website. I was going to cry of happiness until I looked at the date.

Companies and developers get the chance to cause totally socially acceptable pain and suffering on April 1, and like always, the results were hilarious.

“World of Warcraft” and “Hearthstone” developer Blizzard released a trailer for “Hearthstone: the MMO,” showing World of Warcraft gameplay. Calling it a new “MMO based off of the popular card game.” Also, it was announced that the “Frost-doge Clan” was coming to “World of Warcraft.”

The popular figure collecting game “Disney Infinity” revealed a new line of scented “Zootopia” figures. Who wouldn’t want a carrot scented Judy Hopps?

On the Internet, National Geographic promised to stop publishing “Animal Nude Photos” and Hamburger Helper dropped a mixtape of five songs and a music video.

Funko Pop, the popular toy brand, revealed Funko Pop Vaults, a literal safe that Funko says can “withstand lava, punching, gunfire, nuclear fallout, stampedes, frog people, and more.”

“Game of Thrones”’ Hafthor Bjornsson, aka The Mountain, released a commercial for his new brand of sparking water, Heavy Bubbles, coming in giant weight-shaped bottles.

Then there was the mean pranks: Yahoo announced that Trader Joes would be closing all stores by 2017, which must have freaked out some loyal customers and employees out until it was said that it was all a prank at the end of the article.

The meanest of them all was Ford’s prank that the Ford Bronco was making a return, complete with pictures. This made some diehard Bronco fans extremely happy, until they saw the April Fools’ at the end.

All in all, April 1 fooled a lot of people in a lot of ways, myself included. Next year, it might be safer to stay off the Internet on April Fools’ Day.

Contact the author at anewton15@wou.edu.

Score one for queens

By:  Rachael Jackson 
Campus Life Editor

Triangle Alliance celebrated the 20th annual drag show with “Pirates of the Queeribbean,” an exploration of pirates dealing with issues like gender identity and polyamory, entirely set to high energy songs, endless jokes, and flashy dance moves.

If you have any friends that performed in the drag show this year, it is not likely you saw much of them the past few months. I have often found myself bemoaning the show for taking away the precious free time of one particular friend.

After seeing the show, however, it feels petty to dwell on the time lost with friends because what I gained from it was infinitely better; I was given a chance to see the product of months of practice from close friends, classmates, and coworkers. And it was amazing.

One performer, hailing from Oregon State University, said that getting the chance to do drag with a large group of people changes the experience of drag show. With the large group, you get to know each other more intimately and count on one another for the success of the show.

Joleen Braasch, senior literature major, who portrayed lead character Jacklynn Knoff, explained that her favorite song to perform was “Cannibal” by Ke$ha, saying, “It is really fun to just let go and become this amazing strong woman who is just like … don’t mess with me!”

Many audience members were fond of Braasch’s animalistic dance moves during “Cannibal.” Another crowd favorite was a mermaid scene set to one of Ellie Goulding’s darker songs.

After the show, the reception hall was buzzing with congratulations and compliments. I asked one student, Shelby Worthing, junior economics and business double major, what she liked most about the show. Beyond just being amongst friends and like-minded individuals, she felt the atmosphere it created to be the most salient part of the experience.

“I think a lot of students come here to have that inclusive atmosphere. It shows what Western students are because we welcome students from other universities as well,” Worthing said.

Jade Rayner, an undeclared sophomore, knew she was going to try out for the show after last year’s show.

“I saw it last year and it was amazing, so that made me want to audition for it,” Rayner said. “It was a lot of fun, but it was a lot of hard work.”

Contact the author at rjackson13@wou.edu or on Twitter @rachaelyjackson

Humans of Western

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By: Joleen Braasch
Staff Writer

Shannon Haas, senior computer science major, is graduating this spring. She shared her feelings about graduation and life after college, and the people who have been there along the way.

“Graduation will be like an orgasm. School has been riding me so hard these past four years, and when June 11 comes it’s going to be the most ultimate climax and release of my life so far. There are things I’ll miss after I leave: the occasional Fat Friday where my awesome roomie and I eat junk and watch Netflix, working at The Cottage with the fantastic staff and students, and just being on this beautiful campus. But I will not miss the late night homework life, the stress of senior capstone projects, or the additional debt I accrued every new term. Western has helped me shape myself into a better adult and brought me many good memories and lifelong friendships, but I’m ready to get the fuck out of here. 60 days and counting!

The main goal I have after college is finding a place in southern Oregon that will allow me to live with my dog again. I pretty much work hard so my dog can have a good life. However, a more ‘adulty’ goal is striving to live a more balanced life. Right now my life is a lot of work and very little play—not very healthy. I want to go hiking with my dog more, be with my family more, and just enjoy life more. I keep reading this post getting shared around Facebook that says, ‘I’m tired of people romanticizing overexertion … too many people are burning out before they have a chance to truly shine.’ When I read it, all I could think was, ‘YES!’ I don’t want to burn out, but I’m almost there. Post-graduation, I’m going to fix that.

I look up to many people in my life for varying reasons; like my dad for his strength to stay sober and how he’s genuinely a good person that cares, and my roommate for her confidence and adventurous personality. However, I would say I have looked up to my mom the most in my life. She is such a beautiful and strong woman that keeps fighting, even when life is at its shittiest. She taught me to rely solely on myself, and it caused me to become the independent person I am today. Every day I bust my ass at school and work, just like my momma taught me, so I can hopefully have a job that will allow me to relieve some of her financial burden, because she truly deserves it. I can only hope to be even just half as awesome as her! I love you, mom!”