By: Keith Mathew Photo Editor
When do we think of ourselves as good people? Do we even think that at all? As a society that thrives on self-deprecating jokes, we start to believe the jokes we create for ourselves on a subconscious level. I see a large majority of people I know who don’t think they’re good people, or at least to the level of everyone else around them.
I am one of those people who doesn’t think highly of themselves. It has taken me a long time to 
get to the point of starting to improve myself. It takes an immense amount of effort to start the process and to continue it. The most common thing people say is “fake it until you make it.” It’s kind of true; having fake confidence in one’s self is a trial run of the ultimate goal. Fake confidence is the start of getting comfortable with the idea and feeling or acting confident.
I feel the reason most people have low self-esteem or a lack of confidence comes from the tendency to compare ourselves to other people: I’m not as smart as them, I’m not as cool as them, I’m not as masculine as them, I’m not as fit as them. These comparisons are harmful. They put us down because we aren’t at the level of another person. We think that because we aren’t at the same level we are lesser than, thus creating a negative self-image.
There is a common thought process for people with low self-image that they should be working on themselves before they start to date another person. It annoys me because it takes a lot to work on yourself and another person may actually help. Another person may open the mind to improving and the love of another person can help heal, repair, fix and improve.
The love of another person pushes the other to try and to become better. I bet no one was 100 percent confident in themselves when another person came along. That line of thinking just doesn’t help, having another person is not bad, it is good for loving one’s self.
With my experiences of low self-image, friends and family try to make me feel better by complimenting me however, because of the compliments I feel bad for not feeling better about myself. The problem is not whether I know I’m good or not, it’s the feeling. I know that I’m smart, I know I’m nice, I know that I’m amazing but the feeling is not there to back it up.
It is my goal this term to improve myself and to have real confidence, not just the fake kind. The best way to improve is to have a mantra, a saying to tell yourself how great and amazing you are. Sounds cheesy but it does help. Self-love is a process and it’s hard work.
Contact the author at kmathew14@wou.edu
