Consent, communication and control

By: Shaylie Pickerel
Staff Writer

For Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Abby’s House held an educational and inclusive presentation titled “Ethical Power Exchange.” The guest presenter, Heather Rowlett, talked about consent and communication being essential components of any intimate relationship, but when intentional power dynamics are introduced these issues become vital in a new way.

On April 27, the presentation was held in Ackerman and was open to the public. The event began with an ice breaker that had participants partner up and take turns drawing the person their partner described. The ice breaker was used to highlight the importance of communication between partners. Afterwards, Rowlett began to discuss the different types of consent and the importance of consent as a whole.

She underlined the importance of being able to give and have consent by stating that it is, “Your body, your orgasm, your sex.”

Understanding consent within a relationship also means setting boundaries. Creating boundaries and communicating them with a prospective partner is the best way to truly understand what someone expects and deserves from one another.

Rowlett also talked about the current beliefs and stigma on ethical power exchange, also known to some as BDSM, and how it’s seen in our current culture, which she says “is no place to learn about ethical power exchange and there’s a lot happening unconsented.”

Rowlett then introduced the different levels of ethical power exchange, of which there are five. Which span from the first level called conditional compliance, which has the most limited power, and is most likely to happen during a single meetup. To the fifth level, which involves serious and emotional commitments. It goes from long-term to complete ownership, but the fifth level, absolute ownership, was stated to not be realistic.

Rowlett then discussed the importance of safety within a power exchange relationship stating that some partners “won’t always be as committed to your safety as you are,” and that, “The first time you meet, make it non-physical.”

The first time meeting up with a prospective partner, should be a time where both people can discuss what each of them are looking for in a ethical power exchange relationship and establish boundaries.

Abby’s House hosts many events like this on campus and are always open downstairs in the Werner University Center. Abby’s House embraces a feminist model that empowers all people to actively stand against all forms of violence, harassment, verbal abuse, discrimination and hatred.

Contact the author at spickrell15@wou.edu