Mount Hood

Brianna Bonham seeking suitable Bae

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By: Brianna Bonham

After 18 years of being single, I’m finally ready to get in the dating game and find myself a bae.

I’ll start with some deets about me. I’m 5’ 8”, brown hair, green eyes. My dream in life is to live in a van and own 14 dogs and one goldfish. One of the many joys I find in life is Mythbusters roleplay, and I’m very passionate about bike fishing in Amsterdam.

My spirit animal is the elegant and graceful naked mole-rat. Their burrowing skills are astounding and I would channel those skills in apocalyptic times. My zodiac sign is Taurus and it is often said that we surround ourselves with material pleasures.

As for the lucky man, I only ask a few things.

I don’t want to be too specific right off the bat, but you MUST be 5’ 12”. No more, no less. I also love it when guys have a good sense of style. I believe that everyone should have at least one pair of olive green gaucho pants and a pair of brown Crocs in their wardrobe at all times.

The ideal personality would be a mixture of Ron Swanson and Hulk Hogan. I find it very pleasant when a man has the elegant vocabulary of Gordon Ramsay and is not afraid to use it. My favorite movie is Forrest Gump; it’s crucial that you know every line so that we can recite the movie, accents and all.

A stable job is necessary because as stated above, I am a Taurus who enjoys materialistic pleasures in the form of discontinued As Seen On TV items. They are expensive and often hard to come by.

The ideal first date would be to eat plain toast, Burger King chicken fries, and sweet pickles. For dessert, we would then proceed to Costco via Ripstik and eat samples and the handful of black licorice jelly beans that I always keep handy. After that, a romantic stroll through the Home Depot lighting aisle would certainly set the mood. If all goes well, returning to my room and taking turns reading aloud one of the many biographies I own of Alexander Hamilton while occasionally brushing knees would be a superb way to end the night.

If you believe that you can meet these simple qualifications, feel free to give me a holler at bbonham15@wou.edu

Dates around Monmouth

 

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When you find yourself down because your date stands you up, there’s always free wood behind Rice Auditorium.

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 3.14.31 PM                                                                                  The life of dating a trash girl.

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 3.15.11 PM                                                                   For the students looking to bypass all that romance and just get screwed, or buy screws, head to the local hardware store.

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 3.15.01 PM                                                                                    Looking to do a little pre-date grooming to make sure you’re looking your best for your upcoming date? Rent a Rug Doctor. Carpet cleaning is always a good choice.

 

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 3.15.23 PM                                              Breaking into the old police station with a brick is always super romantic. We recommend borrowing one from a nearby construction site. Great for those college students on a budget.

Phone Power: They Might Be Giants

By: Darien Campo 
Staff Writer

This week, March 8th, alternative rock duo They Might Be Giants released their 19th studio album “Phone
Power”. “Phone Power” is the third collection of songs from the 2015 revival of TMBG’s Dial-a-Song
project, in which they recorded and released a brand new song (with an accompanying video) every
week this year. The previous two collections of 2015 Dial-a-Songs, released earlier this year, were
“Why?” and “Glean”.

Anybody who follows TMBG is already familiar with most of the songs on this album, since they’ve
previously made an appearance on dialasong.com, but it’s still great to hear them all collected together
for the first time.

For a band that’s been releasing music almost constantly for the past 30 years, it’s truly amazing that
they’ve kept the same standard of quality on each album. Every song on “Phone Power” shows the same
attention to detail that Johns Flansburgh and Linnell have consistently delivered to their eager fans.
There are some really fun tracks on this album. My personal favorite is “I Am Alone”, which details a
very dramatic (and hilarious) standoff between 4 characters with too many plot twists to count. The
songs are creative and fun as always, but nothing on the album really breaks away from the TMBG
standard — which is hardly even a complaint.

The most notable detail about “Phone Power” is that it is TMBG’s first foray into the world of “pay-what-
you-want” releases. If you visit tmbg.com/phonepower you’re greeted with the option to choose your
own price for the 18 track album. They even say that you can pay nothing for the album, “because, like,
you don’t have any money right now. We understand. We totally support that idea. We don’t mind
giving things away.” They do offer special deals for folks who pay more for the album, like a physical CD
instead of a download link, and even an exclusive live stream to a show of theirs in April.

Though the songs on “Phone Power” are fun, I’m still waiting for TMBG to blow me away again like they
did with their 2013 release “Nanobots”. Regardless, “Phone Power” is a powerful addition to the
unstoppable The Might Be Giants discography, and is sure to please any fan.

‘Ghostbusters’ Returns to Big Screens This Summer

By: Ashton Newton
Staff Writer

We’ve all known for a long time what to do if there happens to be something strange
in the neighborhood. That’s common knowledge: Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters.
But this summer, a new team is putting on the jumpsuits and taking on the iconic
role in the ‘Ghostbusters’ reboot film.

The first trailer for the upcoming film debuted last week, featuring plenty of laughs,
ghosts, and slime. The reboot has all new, all female team. The film stars Melissa
McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones.
The film follows the scientists and a subway worker as they work together to defeat
a powerful demon who can take over the bodies of humans. The trailer also revels
that there is someone in the city who created a device that amplifies ghostly activity.
People are much more opposed to the idea of ghosts in the reboot’s New York than
in 1984 New York, which adds a new goofy dynamic to being a Ghostbuster.
The trailer put a lot of focus on the comedy of the movie, making it look like an over
the top modern day comedy film, instead of the classic ‘Ghostbusters’ style like long
time fans were hoping for.

Although the trailer stars out with a nod to the original, director Paul Feig has stated
that there are no narrative ties between the reboot and the original. Luckily, fans
can count on the original song being in the reboot, as well as a lot of nods to the
original ghosts.

The ‘Ghostbusters’ reboot sparked up some controversy when it was first
announced because of its all female cast, but Feig has since than talked about how
the all female cast is going to provide a new energetic dynamic to the classic
‘Ghostbusters’ concept and criticism has died down.

There has also been speculation that Bill Murray will reprise his role as Dr. Peter
Vankman, for he’s listed as a cast member on IMDB. Some people believe he’ll play
an important role in the movie, while others are saying he’ll simply be a cameo.

‘Ghostbusters’ will premiere worldwide this summer.

Primal fear over petty scares

By: Megan Clark
Campus Life Editor

When I saw the first trailer for “The Witch” over summer, I was hyped. A Puritan themed horror movie full of black magic and dancing goats was right up my alley. I saw it opening night, knowing it probably wasn’t going to be amazing, but a fun watch nonetheless.

Much to my surprise, I was wholly disappointed, but not because of the movie. No, the movie was good and full of the gloomy, mystical vibes I had so desired.

I was disappointed because of the audience, who complained and joked throughout the entire film.
Now, “The Witch” isn’t necessarily bad. It has an 89 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and that’s a better grade than what I’m getting in some of my classes this term.

While I understand it’s not everybody’s cup of tea, I have a hunch that the audience wasn’t adequately prepared for what they were going to see. I mean, sure, there were like three different trailers for it that they could’ve watched, but maybe there’s more to it than that.

When horror is mentioned, people expect scary.

They expect horror films to follow a certain formula that they have grown accustomed to, usually involving horror movie tropes and tricks like jump scares or twist endings that don’t seem much like scares or twists anymore because people come to expect them more often than not.

Horror, however, encapsulates a large array of films, the genre being defined only by its ability to make the viewers uncomfortable through feeding on their primal fears.

The first horror movies of the silent film era, like “Nosferatu” (1922) or “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” (1925), aren’t exactly terrifying, especially by today’s standards. They are, however, still super creepy due to their chilling visual effects and their ability to prey on fears innate in humanity, like the fear of supernatural creatures or of inevitable death.

In my opinion, the golden age of horror started in the late ‘60s and ‘70s, with classics like “Night of the Living Dead” (1968), “Rosemary’s Baby” (1968), and “The Exorcist” (1973), that focused on supernatural, ghostly, or satanic happenings.

Again, not super scary, perhaps even a bit comical. The group of elderly folk chanting “Hail Satan!” in “Rosemary’s Baby” isn’t particularly terrifying, but the film is still widely considered one of the best horror movies to date.

These paranormal themed movies have stayed strong, alongside the thrills and chills provided by the slasher crowd pleasers of the ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s, like “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984) and “Scream” (1996).
The focus in popular horror has shifted from the inventive plotlines and visually arresting atmospheres of the early and mid 20th century to simply imitating other movies that have found a foothold in popular culture.

The early 2000s welcomed in a slew of found footage films, starting with “The Blair Witch Project” (1999) that has continued with the ever popular “Paranormal Activity” series.

Found footage films are pretty uncomplicated movies to make, considering the film’s grain and shaky footage excuses poor special effects or lack in production value. They follow a similar recipe for plot, using healthy doses of invisible, overpowered evils and helpless protagonists to evoke excitement from viewers.

A lot of movies have come out as being genuinely unique and exciting, such as “Insidious” (2010) or “The Conjuring” (2013), but the quality of these movies is diminished because the market is flooded with sequels, prequels, and offshoots that mirror the style and plot of previous films.

There are still really great horror movies that don’t rely on imitating other plots, like “It Follows” (2014) or “The Babadook” (2014), which also have social commentary alongside their wonderfully eerie storylines and visuals.

While plenty of good horror movies are still being made, the majority of horror movies currently out are heavily referential and uncreative. This may make horror movie audiences ill-prepared for movies that break the mold, like “The Witch” (which isn’t really scary, but pretty good if you like that sort of thing).

Contact the author at meclark13@wou.edu or on Twitter @WOU_campuslife

Tips for a safe spring break

By: Alvin Wilson 
Staff Writer

Spring break is just around the corner, and many of us are anxious to leave campus and celebrate our time off the college way: with alcohol.

But before you hop in your car and say bottoms up, you should probably stop to consider a few things.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) published a study that shows nearly half of all college students binge-drink.

Binge-drinking is defined as drinking five or more drinks within a two-hour period.

Trever Jackson, Campus Public Safety officer for Western, says that excessive drinking is a problem even when it’s not spring break.

“We get a lot of people who become too intoxicated and end up causing problems,” he says. “People will drink, then take it too far, and it becomes unsafe for them and other people. We end up having to deal with that quite a bit on breaks as much as any other time.”

Rebecca Chiles, director of Public Safety, says the biggest things to keep in mind are your choices concerning alcohol and drug use.

“I think we get a little relaxed, or comfortable, with groups of people when we’re having a good time,” she says. “Then you wake up the next morning and your phone’s missing, or your laptop’s missing, or your wallet full of money’s missing. I think just be vigilant about the people you’re with.”

Chiles says it’s important to surround yourself with people you feel safe with to reduce the risk of dangerous situations.

“People are going to drink, so my best advice is to do it with someone you know and love and trust,” she says. “Have a designated person who’s going to be the safety person and look out for everybody—someone who will have your back and take care of you if a safety situation arises …”

Allen Risen, Occupational Environmental Safety Officer for Campus Public Safety, says another important thing to consider is travelling.

He says that during spring break, most of the students leave campus.

“Campus is pretty much dead,” he says. “Most of the students who live on campus are gone … Usually everything’s pretty quiet.”

Risen says that if you choose to travel, pack a blanket and extra water in case of an emergency, and make sure your belongings are locked up tight at home.

Officer Jackson also offers some words of advice about travelling during the break:

“Be in contact with your loved ones. Let them know when you’re leaving, what route you’re taking, how you’re getting there, when you arrive. If you’re travelling in your own vehicle, make sure it’s travel-worthy.”

The last thing you want is to be stranded on a highway in the middle of nowhere. Jackson mentioned that some car shops will do free “trip checks” to make sure your car is able to handle a road trip.

Your local Les Schwab is one such place. They will check everything from your tires and brakes to your oil—all for free (but, of course, they won’t fix anything for free).

Contact the author at awilson15@wou.edu or on Twitter @awilsonjournal