![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernjournal\/files\/2018\/04\/REDFLAGCOLOR.jpg\")
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Caity Healy | Lifestyle Editor<\/span><\/p>\n I was 16 when he told me I had to delete the picture on Twitter of my sister and myself in a hot tub.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOnly a certain type of girl would post a picture in their bikini,\u201d he told me. To this day, I still question if it\u2019s wrong for me to post a photo similar to that.<\/span><\/p>\n I was 16 when he told me that I couldn\u2019t hang out with guys.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s make it a rule that you only hangout with girls, and if you\u2019re with guys I\u2019ll be there,\u201d he told me. To this day, I still feel guilt and find myself questioning if it\u2019s okay to hangout with my guy friends.<\/span><\/p>\n I was 17 when he made me take pictures of celebrities off of my bedroom walls. I couldn\u2019t find a celebrity attractive, because \u201cthat\u2019s like cheating.\u201d Now I wonder, is it okay to have celebrity crushes?<\/span><\/p>\n I was 18 when he crushed my already weak self-esteem.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re such a s—-y person,\u201d he told me. To this day, those words still linger in the back of my mind.<\/span><\/p>\n My experience in my past relationship was chock full of red flags; I chose to ignore them, and it\u2019s caused me pain and confusion for the last five years. At the time, none of them felt like a big deal. I thought it was normal, I thought that everyone experienced these types of things.<\/span><\/p>\n I wish I knew then what I know now. It would have saved me years of misinformed, unrealistic understandings of what a healthy relationship is.<\/span><\/p>\n According to Dr. Aislinn Addington, the director of Abby\u2019s House, a red flag is \u201canything that instinctually doesn\u2019t feel right.\u201d When one is in a relationship and a partner does or says something that your gut feeling tells you is not right, it shouldn\u2019t be let go. It\u2019s worth considering and looking into. <\/span><\/p>\n Everyone\u2019s version of what a red flag is may differ, but there are some general patterns that red flags tend to follow. <\/span><\/p>\n Oftentimes, it will start with insulting. This means name calling, labeling your partner\u2019s faults or repeatedly humiliating them. This is followed by controlling your partner or manipulation. Often this will look like not allowing your partner to make decisions, telling them lies or playing mind games with them.<\/span><\/p>\n From there, it goes to isolating your partner. By removing your partner from their friends and family or manipulating people to dislike your partner, you are isolating them. <\/span><\/p>\n After this, it goes to threatening. Threatening violent acts against the partner, their family, their friends, or themselves is what will escalate to the final stage: violence. Violence can look like hitting or breaking things, hurting themselves or their partners, or attempting to hurt either party in any way. <\/span><\/p>\n These are the stages of intimate partner violence abuse. While it may seem at the beginning to be small, it typically won\u2019t end there.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe overall point, and something I\u2019d love people to understand, is that these things escalate. They just do,\u201d Addington noted.<\/span><\/p>\n To prevent it from getting to those final stages, red flags are incredibly important to spot. But, similarly to my experience and that of many others, it\u2019s not always easy to find. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhen you\u2019re in it, it\u2019s so easy to overlook things or overcompensate for things. It\u2019s so much easier (to spot) from the outside.\u201d Addington commented. But even if it is perhaps seen, that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019ll always be acknowledged. \u201cThere are many reasons people don\u2019t acknowledge red flags,\u201d Addington said. \u201cWe learn from what we see around us.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n Red flag behavior has become normalized: through films romanticizing this type of conduct, such as \u201cCrazy, Stupid, Love,\u201d or \u201cLove Actually,\u201d it\u2019s believed to not only be normal but desirable. When these kinds of things happen \u00a0in real life, such as the persistent pursuit seen in these romantic films, it can lead some to believing that it is normal behavior. It\u2019s not.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBecause of this, people can learn unhealthy habits and unhealthy responses,\u201d Addington explained.<\/span><\/p>\n For those who notice red flags in their own relationships, there are resources available. Abby\u2019s House is a place to go where they will believe you, listen to you and support you if you need it. There are other resources here on campus as well. Student Conduct can be contacted at 503-838-8930, Public Safety at 503-838-8481 and the Student Health and Counseling Center at 503-838-8396. However, if it feels like there is immediate danger, call 911.<\/span><\/p>\n As for off campus, there are resources as well. There is a 24-Hour Crisis Hotline that can be called if you need to speak with someone at anytime, which can be reached at 1-866-518-0284. Also, there is the Sable House in Dallas, which is a domestic violence and sexual assault crisis center that offers housing. They have a 24-hour hotline, which can be reached at 503-623-4033. <\/span><\/p>\n For those who notice red flags in the relationships of those close to them, there are some actions to take as well. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI am all for just asking,\u201d Addington commented. \u201cSay something like \u2018I noticed that fight or that threat.. Is that okay? Do you feel okay about that?\u2019 Just ask.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Be supportive of them. Believe them. Remind them that it\u2019s not their fault.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThen ask them what they want to do, and how they want to get out of (the situation,)\u201d she added.<\/span><\/p>\n I was 16 when the first red flag appeared. They continued to appear for the next two years. To this day, I\u2019m still affected. Red flags are serious and should not be taken lightly. If they happen to you, it\u2019s not your fault; there are people with open ears who will listen and believe your story. To those who see it happening to someone else, be their ally.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIf we all on this campus start by believing,\u201d Addington said. \u201cWe can start that culture change.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Contact the author at chealy16@wou.edu<\/span><\/p>\n Photo by: Pexels.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Caity Healy | Lifestyle Editor I was 16 when he told me I had to delete the picture on Twitter of my sister and myself in a hot tub. \u201cOnly a certain type of girl would post a picture in their bikini,\u201d he told me. To this day, I still question if it\u2019s wrong for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1030,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7618","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7618","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1030"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7618"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7618\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7618"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7618"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7618"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}