Aries 3\/21-4\/19
\n– Even if it\u2019s sunny, bring your umbrella, Aries. Chances are it\u2019ll rain if you leave it home.<\/p>\n
Taurus 4\/20-5\/20
\n– Don\u2019t drink milk ever again, Taurus. The stars are telling me milk is the preferred beverage of your future nemesis.<\/p>\n
Gemini 5\/21-6\/20:
\nRe-think getting that, \u201cbest friends,\u201d tattoo. You\u2019re going to regret it in a week.<\/p>\n
Cancer 6\/21-7\/22
\nYour screams echo into eternity. Has it been a hundred minutes or a hundred years? You cannot recall, for time has come to a standstill.<\/p>\n
Leo 7\/23-8\/22
\nBe careful, Leo. With the moon where it is, you\u2019re likely to accidentally print pages in color instead of black and white. You\u2019re going to need those print credits.<\/p>\n
Virgo 8\/23-9\/22
\nSweet Virgo, I see a furry friend in your future. Time to put that dog filter to rest, and start taking snaps of your newly adopted pup.<\/p>\n
Libra 9\/23-10\/22
\nStop listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers. They\u2019re not having a comeback, it\u2019s not 2008; there\u2019s no reason to be listening to them. Love yourself.<\/p>\n
Scorpio 10\/23-11\/21
\nUse Husqvarna.com\u2019s chainsaw selector to find the best saw for your needs.<\/p>\n
Sagittarius 11\/22-12\/21
\nSagittarius, stop bringing your umbrella with you everywhere you go. Any day you have it, it\u2019ll be useless. The rain only comes when you\u2019re unprepared.<\/p>\n
Capricorn 12\/22-1\/19
\nTreat yourself this week; get that space-themed eyeshadow palette that you’ve been pining after. It’ll only momentarily distract you from your anxiety, but it’ll be worth it.<\/p>\n
Aquarius 1\/20-2\/18
\nThe stars are throwing you a life jacket, Aquarius. Be sure not to drown in the work that you’ll inevitably procrastinate doing.<\/p>\n
Pisces 2\/19-3\/20
\nYou have to break up with them, Pisces. I know you love them, but you have to. The deep-fried golden perfection is cheating on you. That\u2019s what you get for dating a chicken tender.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Aries 3\/21-4\/19 – Even if it\u2019s sunny, bring your umbrella, Aries. Chances are it\u2019ll rain if you leave it home. Taurus 4\/20-5\/20 – Don\u2019t drink milk ever again, Taurus. The stars are telling me milk is the preferred beverage of your future nemesis. Gemini 5\/21-6\/20: Re-think getting that, \u201cbest friends,\u201d tattoo. You\u2019re going to regret […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":937,"featured_media":5287,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/937"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5156"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5156\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}