Aries 3\/21-4\/19
\nOnly Drake knows.<\/p>\n
Taurus 4\/20-5\/20
\nI spoke with Jupiter and she told me to pass this info along; go on and explore your sexuality with that kid from Bio that you keep eyein\u2019.<\/p>\n
Gemini 5\/21-6\/20
\nOn Friday, keep looking in the mirror. Half of your eyebrow (because I know you always do your eyebrows) will wipe off. Be warned. No one is going to speak up about it, Gemini, that\u2019s why I\u2019m warning you.<\/p>\n
Cancer 6\/21-7\/22
\nEver swim in a pool full of adorable Corgis? No? That\u2019s about to change this week, Cancer.<\/p>\n
Leo 7\/23-8\/22
\nIt\u2019s not herpes, Leo. Congrats!<\/p>\n
Virgo 8\/23-9\/22
\nVirgo, I predict good fortune on the horizon. Go to a bar this weekend and start a tab, the bartender will accidentally put all your drinks on another person\u2019s. Sucks for them, but a night of free drinks for you!<\/p>\n
Libra 9\/23-10\/22
\nPassword to your ex\u2019s phone: 5331.<\/p>\n
Scorpio 10\/23-11\/21
\nGo ahead, Scorpio, celebrate taco Tuesday- you\u2019ll regret it immediately.<\/p>\n
Sagittarius 11\/22-12\/21
\nI\u2019m predicting a literal mental break down for you this week, Sagittarius, over the fact that you can\u2019t get your eyeliner in check. Prepare for this. I prescribe a fat of bottle of wine. (For the 21 and over crowd. Or, like, drink Martinelli\u2019s and pretend it\u2019s champagne if you\u2019re of the younger variety.)<\/p>\n
Capricorn 12\/22-1\/19
\nWith child.<\/p>\n
Aquarius 1\/20-2\/18
\nNot really advice, Aquarius, but I\u2019m sensing you need to be salty. Make dinner plans with all the people you hate and cancel 15 minutes prior.<\/p>\n
Pisces 2\/19-3\/20
\nGo to Yang\u2019s, order an extra side of cabbage, and see what happens.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Aries 3\/21-4\/19 Only Drake knows. Taurus 4\/20-5\/20 I spoke with Jupiter and she told me to pass this info along; go on and explore your sexuality with that kid from Bio that you keep eyein\u2019. Gemini 5\/21-6\/20 On Friday, keep looking in the mirror. Half of your eyebrow (because I know you always do your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":825,"featured_media":3540,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/825"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3500"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3500\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}