Aries 3\/21-4\/19
\nYou are now named Albert. Every single last one of you, Aries. Sorry, It\u2019s written in the stars.<\/p>\n
Taurus 4\/20-5\/20
\nTwo tickets to Hamilton are in your future, Taurus \u2026 or is it two tickets to Hamlet at the local community theatre? I can\u2019t quite remember.<\/p>\n
Gemini 5\/21-6\/20
\nThe answer to question number four on your test on Tuesday is B.<\/p>\n
Cancer 6\/21-7\/22
\nMango. All you Cancers out there know exactly what I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n
Leo 7\/23-8\/22
\nThis is the phone number to call, 541-613-9854. Ask for Rhonda and she\u2019ll transfer you to William.<\/p>\n
Virgo 8\/23-9\/22
\nVestibulum pretium avia misit vos tabellariorum septimana.<\/p>\n
Libra 9\/23-10\/22
\nStop putting mayonnaise on everything, Libra. That\u2019s gross.<\/p>\n
Scorpio 10\/23-11\/21
\nI\u2019ve set up a blind date for you, Scorpio. Meet this mystery woman named Brianna at the gazebo at the park on Main St. on Wednesday, April 13. Only single attractive men, please.<\/p>\n
Sagittarius 11\/22-12\/21
\nSagittarius, looks like Peaches will arrive in your yard at 7:33 p.m. this Saturday. Do not miss this.<\/p>\n
Capricorn 12\/22-1\/19
\nI just ordered you a shirt that says \u201cbun in the oven.\u201d And, yes, beautiful, talented fake astrologers like myself do have Amazon Prime accounts, so it will be arriving shortly.<\/p>\n
Aquarius 1\/20-2\/18
\nLooks like a full moon is approaching this weekend, Aquarius. But that literally has nothing to do with the poor fortune I\u2019m sending your way. You\u2019re going to run into your ex-girlfriend this weekend. Be sure to prepare a quick speech of all things going right in your life.<\/p>\n
Pisces 2\/19-3\/20
\nYou will finally be rewarded for being a trash girl, Pisces. And it\u2019s about damn time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Aries 3\/21-4\/19 You are now named Albert. Every single last one of you, Aries. Sorry, It\u2019s written in the stars. Taurus 4\/20-5\/20 Two tickets to Hamilton are in your future, Taurus \u2026 or is it two tickets to Hamlet at the local community theatre? I can\u2019t quite remember. Gemini 5\/21-6\/20 The answer to question number […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":825,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/825"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3415"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3415\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}