Aries 3\/21-4\/19
\nJimmy is the one who\u2019s been stealing your lunch from the break room fridge, Aries.<\/p>\n
Taurus 4\/20-5\/20
\nI know you want to break up with your boyfriend, but hold out for another week. He\u2019s giving you a dog.<\/p>\n
Gemini 5\/21-6\/20
\nGemini, I know you\u2019re wondering if you failed your Biology test \u2026 you did. Sorry.<\/p>\n
Cancer 6\/21-7\/22
\nCancer, there is an old, but still totally edible, Snickers in the right pocket of the jeans you are wearing.<\/p>\n
Leo 7\/23-8\/22
\nPlease stop sending in requests for better horoscopes, Leo. Come on, you\u2019re better than this.<\/p>\n
Virgo 8\/23-9\/22
\nAll the stars and moons or whatever have aligned this week for you, Virgo. This means good fortune, and by good fortune I mean you won\u2019t be subjected to all the meaningless conversation you\u2019re stuck in on a daily basis.<\/p>\n
Libra 9\/23-10\/22
\nDo NOT look behind you.<\/p>\n
Scorpio 10\/23-11\/21
\nScorpio, there\u2019s free candy in that totally normal and not at all suspicious looking van parked outside your apartments. Feel free to check it out.<\/p>\n
Sagittarius 11\/22-12\/21
\nNot so much a fortune, but a request. Please change your Tinder photo, Sagittarius. I beg of you.<\/p>\n
Capricorn 12\/22-1\/19
\nVery much still definitely 100 percent pregnant.<\/p>\n
Aquarius 1\/20-2\/18
\nOh, Aquarius, all your kindness is going to pay off this week. Be sure to check your email, one of your classes is getting cancelled.<\/p>\n
Pisces 2\/19-3\/20
\nI spy a free vacation in the near future, Pisces.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Aries 3\/21-4\/19 Jimmy is the one who\u2019s been stealing your lunch from the break room fridge, Aries. Taurus 4\/20-5\/20 I know you want to break up with your boyfriend, but hold out for another week. He\u2019s giving you a dog. Gemini 5\/21-6\/20 Gemini, I know you\u2019re wondering if you failed your Biology test \u2026 you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":825,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/825"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3346"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3346\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}