{"id":3285,"date":"2016-04-01T15:22:28","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T23:22:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wou.edu\/westernjournal\/?p=3285"},"modified":"2026-04-14T17:30:29","modified_gmt":"2026-04-15T01:30:29","slug":"cult-1980s-film-gets-sequel-30-freaking-years-later","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/cult-1980s-film-gets-sequel-30-freaking-years-later\/","title":{"rendered":"Semi-Cult film gets sequel 30 freaking years later"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre>April Fools Day Issue\r\nBy: Declan<\/pre>\n<p>Multiple sources report that despite literally no one giving a shit about this particular film franchise anymore, a major studio has acquired the rights to the somewhat well-regarded property, and is pillaging American\u2019s sense of nostalgia to make a quick buck on a half-assed new installment that, it must be reiterated, no one really wanted.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, I probably said at one point, \u2018man, wouldn\u2019t it be cool if they made a sequel,\u2019 but I, you know, didn\u2019t really \u2026 mean it,\u201d said Dude McGuy, a fan of the original film, which was released sometime in the \u201880s, maybe the early \u201890s. \u201cIt just feels so cheap and soulless.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m probably still gonna see it though,\u201d said McGuy, looking as sad and dejected as a man could possibly look.<\/p>\n<p>The Journal reached out to A Movie Industry Fatcat, who was quoted as saying, \u201cMoviegoers are sheep. You slap a name they recognize on a steaming pile of bear turd and they\u2019ll buy millions and millions of tickets to writhe around in it for an hour and a half, just for that tiny little hit off the crack pipe of the past.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After diving into his Scrooge McDuck-style pool of money, entirely made up of currency that people have spent on absolute garbage motion pictures, he removed several stacks of hundred-dollar bills from underneath his immense girthy folds, acquired from eating several fancy meals a day financed by the money we keep throwing at these studios to make absolute goddamn trash, he surfaced and continued, \u201cEverything you have ever loved will be recycled through the corporate machine and spat back at you, and you will eat it and say you loved it because you\u2019re a whore. Say it, you\u2019re a filthy whore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I just can\u2019t write about this anymore. I\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m just done. Goodbye, enjoy your shitty movies forever and ever now.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a picture of a stupid, stupid cat and I hope it brings you joy in this goddamned hollow existence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Multiple sources report that despite literally no one giving a shit about this particular film franchise anymore, a major studio has acquired the rights to the somewhat well-regarded property, and is pillaging American\u2019s sense of nostalgia to make a quick buck on a half-assed new installment that, it must be reiterated, no one really wanted.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1652,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3285","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-entertainment"],"modified_by":"saragerrick","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1652"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3285"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25387,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3285\/revisions\/25387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3285"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3285"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3285"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}