{"id":3209,"date":"2016-03-10T19:33:43","date_gmt":"2016-03-11T03:33:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wou.edu\/westernjournal\/?p=3209"},"modified":"2016-03-10T19:33:43","modified_gmt":"2016-03-11T03:33:43","slug":"horoscopes-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/horoscopes-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"cropped-journal-logo-banner.jpg\"<\/p>\n

Aries 3\/21-4\/19
\nOh, Aries, even though you\u2019re super nice and you\u2019ve done nothing but praise the universe this week, I have a bad horoscope for you. Totally unavoidable, but you will step on a Lego tomorrow. I\u2019M SORRY.<\/p>\n

Taurus 4\/20-5\/20
\nI know that failed test has you super bummed out, Taurus. But cheer up, an unexpected visitor will stop by this weekend, and bonus, they\u2019re super sexy.<\/p>\n

Gemini 5\/21-6\/20
\nRemember last week, Gemini, when I asked you to bring $50 to the offices of The Journal? Yeah, I\u2019m still waiting on that. And if you\u2019re a new reader and missed last week\u2019s horoscope, bring $50 to our office, ask for Katrina.<\/p>\n

Cancer 6\/21-7\/22
\nMajor ED this month, Cancer. Yikes.<\/p>\n

Leo 7\/23-8\/22
\nLeo, you had a rough week with all my predicted coffee shop drama. I\u2019m here to help you out. A $50 Starbucks card resides at this location 35.6833\u00b0 N, 139.6833\u00b0 E<\/p>\n

Virgo 8\/23-9\/22
\nI don\u2019t have a fortune for you this week, Virgo. The moons just ain\u2019t alignin.\u2019 So instead I\u2019ll recommend one of my favorite reality shows. Go watch \u201cVanderpump Rules\u201d it\u2019ll turn your week around.<\/p>\n

Libra 9\/23-10\/22
\n6, 33, 21, 2, 17, 45<\/p>\n

Scorpio 10\/23-11\/21
\nFor all your good deeds this week, Scorpio, I have a very special fortune for you. Despite what you\u2019ve been led to believe, and question, Jon Snow is not dead. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n

Sagittarius 11\/22-12\/21
\nAh, Sagittarius, such a gentle soul. And for that I will tell you that never again will you be charged for extra guacamole. Bless.<\/p>\n

Capricorn 12\/22-1\/19
\nStill pregnant.<\/p>\n

Aquarius 1\/20-2\/18
\nNot really a fortune, but I\u2019ve just got word from the universe that every single Aquarius has hands larger than Donald Trump\u2019s so … congrats?<\/p>\n

Pisces 2\/19-3\/20
\nGo buy a wedding dress, or tuxedo, or whatever on earth you want to wear because Leonardo DiCaprio will marry you on 5\/21.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Aries 3\/21-4\/19 Oh, Aries, even though you\u2019re super nice and you\u2019ve done nothing but praise the universe this week, I have a bad horoscope for you. Totally unavoidable, but you will step on a Lego tomorrow. I\u2019M SORRY. Taurus 4\/20-5\/20 I know that failed test has you super bummed out, Taurus. But cheer up, an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":825,"featured_media":3002,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/825"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3209\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}