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By: Katrina Penaflor\nStaff Writer<\/pre>\nIt\u2019s been a big week for me. I mean, huge.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll begin by saying hello. My twitter followers have nearly tripled in the last four days on account of this penis-gate and, as a very busy penis, I couldn\u2019t be more thrilled.<\/p>\n
Let me start with my weekly penis recap. This is super important for me as I often have many things to discuss, but I feel like now I have the ideal platform for people to willingly listen.<\/p>\n
First off, did you notice Donald has been wearing slightly shorter ties? I have reason to believe this is to put me back in the spotlight.<\/p>\n
Second, hello Marco Rubio, you hater. I heard what you had to say about Donald\u2019s hands, and as someone who is very closely acquainted with both his hands I have to say they also are huge. P.S. Donald told me you wear a wig.<\/p>\n
Third, have you noticed how beautiful Melania looks? How she\u2019s always smiling? Yeah, you\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n
Fourth, back to Marco Rubio, notice how he couldn\u2019t even say the word penis? How can you vote for a guy who doesn\u2019t say the word penis? I mean, come on.<\/p>\n
Also, I wanted to discuss that aside from the very important job of being Donald Trump\u2019s penis, I\u2019m also his fact checker, chief advisor, and Twitter writer on Thursdays.<\/p>\n
Remember his idea to build the wall? Yeah, he asked me about it and I said, \u201cErect it, definitely. Make it the biggest, thickest wall possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
Remember everything he\u2019s ever said during every debate? Yup, those points went straight through me first.<\/p>\n
Remember how he always calls people a loser on Twitter? Well, that wasn\u2019t me because I think calling people a loser is mean, but I definitely once tweeted a complaint about how short Marco Rubio is.<\/p>\n
Oh, and how can I forget, I co-authored \u201cThe Art of the Deal\u201d with Donald. Greatest business book of all time. Seriously, bring me a copy and I\u2019ll be happy to sign it for you.<\/p>\n
Now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I have a meeting with a Mr. Christie at four.<\/p>\n
Contact the author at kpenaflor@wou.edu or on Twitter @journalkatrina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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