{"id":20414,"date":"2023-11-21T17:39:49","date_gmt":"2023-11-22T01:39:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/?p=20414"},"modified":"2023-11-21T17:40:26","modified_gmt":"2023-11-22T01:40:26","slug":"this-week-in-completely-made-up-horoscopes-70","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/this-week-in-completely-made-up-horoscopes-70\/","title":{"rendered":"This week in completely made up horoscopes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>The signs go home for Thanksgiving:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Aries: All I need are my cats and a mega-pint of wine<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Taurus: If I hear one more comment about my \u201choley\u201d jeans I\u2019m going to stuff myself into the turkey<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gemini: STUFFING IS DISGUSTING\u2026 and no one can change my mind<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Cancer: Currently making a mashed potato mountain with gravy lava\u2014 I\u2019m the family disappointment<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Leo: laughing really hard at my grandparents homophobic jokes so I stay in the will<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Virgo: The in-laws keep using decorative towels as napkins and I\u2019m losing it<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Libra: Time to retell the story of how my ex and I broke up for the millionth time<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Scorpio: pretending I\u2019m vegan so I don\u2019t have to eat mom\u2019s God awful turkey<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Sagittarius: Shoving the whole bread roll in my mouth to avoid throwing it at my uncle<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Capricorn: talking to a few people and then secretly taking a plate into the bathroom\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Aquarius: Trying not to make eye-contact with my cousin during the family prayer so we don\u2019t start laughing<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Pisces: Avoiding eye-contact and only hanging out with the family dog<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1094,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20414","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20414","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1094"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20414"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20414\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20414"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20414"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20414"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}