{"id":11702,"date":"2020-01-21T16:20:15","date_gmt":"2020-01-22T00:20:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/?p=11702"},"modified":"2020-01-21T16:20:15","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T00:20:15","slug":"consider-your-own-approach-before-cutting-someone-out-of-your-life-due-to-their-toxic-behaviors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/consider-your-own-approach-before-cutting-someone-out-of-your-life-due-to-their-toxic-behaviors\/","title":{"rendered":"Consider your own approach before cutting someone out of your life due to their \u201ctoxic\u201d behaviors."},"content":{"rendered":"

Sage Kiernan-Sherrow\u00a0<\/strong> | News Editor<\/span><\/p>\n

New Year\u2019s resolutions are a common trend in U.S. culture, and one of the more common resolutions I see is to \u201ccut out\u201d or avoid negativity and \u201ctoxic behavior.\u201d While I believe that most people who have this as their resolution or general goal for their future don\u2019t take it to the extreme, I find that the words \u201ctoxic\u201d or \u201cnegative\u201d are both conflated and overused as descriptors. Furthermore, that people would rather brand relationships or instances as one of the above instead of recognizing their own responsibility in a given situation or relationship is alarming to me. Wouldn\u2019t people rather use their communicative skills to understand one another and mediate before cutting people out of their lives?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I would like to be clear about some things right off the bat. One, I am in no way addressing abusive relationships in this article; I am not an expert and while all abusive relationships are inherently toxic, not all toxic behaviors make someone abusive. Secondly, of course I believe that people can be toxic. Everyone has the ability to be toxic \u2014 and that\u2019s something that we should recognize about ourselves. Everyone also has their own perspectives; what is your reality is not another\u2019s and you might very well be the villain in someone else\u2019s story. And yes, I believe that you can get to a certain point where having an individual in your life is no longer healthy or productive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

However, as I was researching this topic, I became increasingly aware that there is no specific definition of \u201ctoxic behavior,\u201d yet there is a myriad of examples of that behavior \u2014 and I think that lends itself to some of the confusion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s imagine some scenarios for a moment. There is a difference between a friend who constantly puts you down and makes you feel insecure and a friend who can\u2019t support you during your big presentation because they have other obligations. I\u2019ve seen the latter framed as \u201ctoxicity\u201d more than once when of course, it isn\u2019t, and even regarding the former, wouldn\u2019t you rather sit that friend down and discuss your feelings before dropping them or ghosting them? I think there is a shard of hypocrisy in calling something toxic in order to avoid growth and it\u2019s awfully convenient that you\u2019ve removed your own responsibility in what could have been a shared misunderstanding.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I believe that someone should have the chance to explain themselves in most scenarios. I also believe that it\u2019s your choice whether or not to listen to their explanation. But maybe that friend you just labeled toxic isn\u2019t aware of their behavior, or maybe they\u2019re having a bad day, and maybe given a chance to change, they would.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I think that\u2019s the biggest tell-all for if you can truly address someone as \u201ctoxic\u201d \u2014 did they change their behavior? Remember, change takes time \u2014 it doesn\u2019t happen overnight and it\u2019s dependent upon reflection.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not telling you how to feel, because everyone\u2019s feelings are valid \u2014 I\u2019m telling you to look at yourself and the situation holistically first. Maybe what would help your growth more isn\u2019t avoidance and ostracization of the things that harmed you; maybe it takes vulnerability and effort to bloom.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Contact the author at howlnews@wou.edu<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sage Kiernan-Sherrow\u00a0 | News Editor New Year\u2019s resolutions are a common trend in U.S. culture, and one of the more common resolutions I see is to \u201ccut out\u201d or avoid negativity and \u201ctoxic behavior.\u201d While I believe that most people who have this as their resolution or general goal for their future don\u2019t take it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1094,"featured_media":10024,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion"],"modified_by":"The Western Howl","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11702","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1094"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11702"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11702\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11702"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11702"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11702"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}