{"id":11139,"date":"2019-11-01T23:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-11-02T07:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wou.edu\/westernhowl\/?p=11139"},"modified":"2019-11-01T23:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-11-02T07:00:05","slug":"from-the-humor-section-not-so-scary-stories-of-our-lives","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/from-the-humor-section-not-so-scary-stories-of-our-lives\/","title":{"rendered":"From the humor section: Not-so-scary stories of our lives"},"content":{"rendered":"

Compiled by The Western Howl staff<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Caity:<\/b><\/p>\n

I was just three years old when my life was (almost) changed forever. Let me preface this by saying that I have been watching horror movies since I came out of the womb. I promise, I have good parents \u2014 and I turned out fine so it\u2019s whatever. That being said, let me take you back to the year 2001, when my older sister Meagan sat me down to give me \u201cthe talk.\u201d Not the one you\u2019re probably thinking of. The other one. The one where your older siblings try to convince you that your parents aren\u2019t your birth parents. Only this talk came with a twist.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sitting on my bed, Meagan, who is seven years my senior, had a serious look on her face. Then she said it. The words that have stuck with me since:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCaity, I have to tell you something\u2026 your real dad is Michael Myers. And he\u2019s coming to pick you up today. So pack your stuff, you\u2019re leaving tonight,\u201d she said somberly.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was terrified. But being the little angel I was, I started packing my stuff. What else are you supposed to do when you find out Mikey is your dad?! Tears rolling down my face, I grabbed my \u201cLittle Mermaid\u201d suitcase and packed all of five shirts that could actually fit in the thing. It wasn\u2019t until I was entirely done packing that my sister had the decency to tell me this was all one big joke. Haha, Meg. You really got 3-year-old me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyways, to this day I still have an obsession with Michael Myers and all things \u201cHalloween\u201d and it\u2019s probably because he\u2019s my real dad. Love you, Dad.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sage:<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You wanna know how I got these scars? The three ones that you can barely see on the palm of my hand?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, imagine young, 14-year-old Sage. Closeted (that\u2019s a pun, just wait), on my way to the haunted forest attraction that was a tradition for me and my then-best friend (who I was probably in love with and this story should be gayer than it is, but I digress). But before we could go and do that, we had to stop at my little sister\u2019s elementary school halloween celebration where they decorated the hallways and had trick-or-treaters go through it like a maze.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I don\u2019t know what self-respecting elementary school hires college students to act as ghouls and goblins, but what I do know is that they couldn\u2019t tell the difference between high school freshman and college students, so my friend and I snuck in easily. They had what seemed like hundreds of costumes, and my friend and I settled on these absolutely horrifying clown masks, and, donning our hands with fake blood, we (completely unsupervised) found a door to hide behind in one of the hallways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a blast. Every time a little elementary schooler walked past, we\u2019d leap up from our crouched position behind the door and banged on the windows, hollering and dramatically dragging our bloody fingers across the glass. Pretty sure we made some small beans pee their pants.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And y\u2019all, the tension was real, my friend and I pressed up next to each other, sweaty and bloody and feral. And that really would\u2019ve been a brilliant time to make a move, if I hadn\u2019t hit the window so hard, just as a kiddo was rounding the corner, that I put my hand straight through the glass.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I, ya know, just kind of held it there in shock, now with REAL blood gushing out of my hand. I think I let out a long, \u201cuhhhhhhhhhhhhh\u2026\u201d before suggesting we get someone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyways, we ruined the event and some random teacher had to escort me to find my mom, who then bandaged me up in the school bathroom while I giggled like a moron (cuz, shock). Surprisingly, my parents weren\u2019t mad, BUT I did learn later on that the person\u2019s door I had broken happened to be the \u2018meanest teacher in school.\u2019 Thank god we moved.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s the story about how I got too into the halloween festivities and ruined my first gay awakening by being an idiot. And I did, come out of the closet, figuratively at least.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Never:<\/b><\/p>\n

The year is sometime in the early 2000s, I am young, easily frightened, and trust my elder sister far too much. We were sharing a room at this time in our lives \u2014 as we did for our entire childhood and adolescence \u2014 she had the top bunk and I had the lowly bottom bunk. It was around Halloween, when we went to a friend\u2019s place and her brother was watching a movie I know now as \u201cThe Ring,\u201d a classic tale of horror where a mysterious voice will say on the phone, \u201cYou will die in seven days.\u201d Low and behold, they would die in horrendous ways after seven days.<\/span><\/p>\n

I could only stomach so much of the film, but I got the gist, and I wasn\u2019t happy about it. That night lying in my bed, staring up towards where my sister peacefully slept I kept replaying the haunting movie in my head. That\u2019s when I heard it \u2014 a whisper.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou…will die…in sevennn dayssss.\u201d There was no mistaking this terrifying promise, I called for my sister, but she peacefully snored unaware of the horror I was facing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Running on little sleep I was terrified the following day to go to bed, but my mom insisted, and there it was again, a cruel and unforgiving whisper.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou will die…in six daysss.\u201d This time I crawled up into my sister\u2019s bed, distraught and in tears, begging for her to wake up.<\/span><\/p>\n

This torture went on for five more days, and I kept silent; afraid to drag my mom or dad into something I had to face on my own.<\/span><\/p>\n

My final day to live, I sat at the breakfast table and after picking at my plate and sniffing in tears, and my mom asking one last time, \u201cWhat on Earth is wrong?\u201d I finally told them the bad news.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to die today.\u201d When I mentioned the whispering voice who informed me of my sure demise, my sister stared at me with raised brows before stating matter-of-factly, \u201cthat was me, idiot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Compiled by The Western Howl staff Caity: I was just three years old when my life was (almost) changed forever. Let me preface this by saying that I have been watching horror movies since I came out of the womb. I promise, I have good parents \u2014 and I turned out fine so it\u2019s whatever. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1094,"featured_media":10024,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"modified_by":"The Western Howl","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11139","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1094"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11139"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11139\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wou.edu\/westernhowl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}