Learn to like yourself first, and the rest will come later

Natalie‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌|‌ ‌Entertainment‌ ‌Editor‌ ‌

Valentine’s Day used to be simple and relatively stress free. Those were the days, when all we had to do as students was scribble a ‘xoxo’ on some cheap-o cards our parents bought last minute. The biggest stress was making sure everyone’s names were spelled right on the card. As we grow up over the years, we realize that there’s an external pressure to find someone “special” to spend Valentine’s Day with. And if you’re single during the holidays, then the next mission is to take that singleness and to “just love yourself” through it. In a world that puts a lot of pressure on loving yourself fully, right off the bat, what is someone to do if they don’t even like themselves? 

Thankfully, you don’t have to love yourself. At least, not right away. 

Self-love is important, but it has recently become the suggested quick-fix solution to people’s problems. If loving yourself was that easy, everyone would be doing it — and nobody would be struggling with the parts of themselves that they hide away. But life is not about loving yourself right away, it is about honoring the process of getting to know yourself and taking realistic baby steps. The saying is true after all: no matter where you go, there you are. 

It is not a race, and it takes active practice. Even though it can be difficult to put ourselves first, there are many approaches to personal growth. Some ways that may help is by practicing patience with yourself, and to show acceptance and gratitude to the body that has gotten you through a pandemic. If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, hold yourself accountable in the ways you want to change, and work toward those goals. 

Instead of being our own worst enemies, what if we tried being as patient with ourselves as we are with others, like we do with our loved ones? If they make a mistake, our first instinct isn’t to tear them down, it is to lovingly encourage them to try again. It is important to recognize when we speak to or treat ourselves poorly, and then try to be more understanding and patient. 

This last year has put too many people through the wringer, and it can feel like we’re going through the motions until we fully settle into our new normal. While the dust settles, it is important to know that this type of acceptance and love can’t happen overnight, and it is crucial to ask for support when needed. Love and kindness toward yourself is something that can be worked on anytime — not just because it is a new year, or because it is Valentine’s Day, but because you deserve to feel at ease with yourself all the time. 

Contact the author at ndean17@wou.edu