Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs debate which season is the best

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Of course it’s fall.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Summer because seasonal depression is real.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Not Spring, since nature decides I can’t breathe during this time.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Summer babyyyyy (and not just because that’s when my b-day is)

Leo 7/23-8/22

Fall in Salem, Massachusetts is a vibe

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Spring so that I can take aesthetic cherry blossom pics

Libra 9/23-10/22

Fall, because the crunchy leaves bring some sense of happiness

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Idc as long as the temp is below 69°

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Winter duh.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Winter, that’s when I’m at the top of my game

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Winter, because my crying is up 2.5% due to seasonal depression.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Spring, because I can blame my tears on pollen allergies.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Spring Quarter

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I haven’t slept in 4 days.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

What day is it again?

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

already dropped a class, how’s your first week going?

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it

Leo 7/23-8/22

Missed my monday classes cause I thought it was sunday owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I Hope This Doesn’t Awaken Something In Me.

Libra 9/23-10/22

4 cups of coffee later and i’m still not ready for syllabus week

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

You never know when crime hits. My crime was taking more than 2 classes

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

*slept through their first meeting*

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

My allergies are acting up, I have a migraine, classes already have homework due. Sounds about right.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Logged onto Canvas, saw each week was locked… never dropped a class so fast.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Already assigned 150 pages to read for next week. Yay spring.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which class drove the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

The one with my professor that did not respond to my emails ever

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Any class with a zoom meeting during finals week

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

idk what y’all are talking abt, i taught myself this term

And they didn’t pay you? Asking for a friend -Leo

Cancer 6/21-7/22

My classes were chill⏤

Leo 7/23-8/22

Shout out to the prof who just started grading stuff from week 4. Thx for making it really difficult to study for finals owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’m just glad I never have to take a literature class again

Libra 9/23-10/22

The social class. I am succumbing to the pressure of maintaining multiple jobs and school. But like whoooo Spring Break ig 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

D, all of the above

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Oh, you know… that professor who decided that using McGraw-Hill’s connect was a good idea t(-.-t)

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I won’t say names, but let’s just go with the prof who didn’t know how to do a ppt

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

F–k that class that didn’t grant an extension when i lost power

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I don’t understand why I need to study English when I already speak it.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which signs the stars think would win the bracket?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I’d make it about halfway because I would definitely show up late

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Me.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

me AND my split personality obvi

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Aries. Come on, they have the same name as the God of War.

Leo 7/23-8/22

Rawr XD

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Sagittarius is literally a centaur with a bow and arrow

Libra 9/23-10/22

In true Libra nature, I think everyone should win participation awards. uwu

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

If I say Sag, will they spare my life and NOT shoot me?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Fight me, b—h

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Sagittarius is prob gonna die first

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Virgo for sure, they’re psycho

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Gemini, they just have more to work with.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What’s driving the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Beets.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

When there aren’t any Uber Eats couriers in the area. 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

a s—-y wifi connection 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

A milkshake, it’s bringing all these boys to my yard and idk why

Leo 7/23-8/22

existing

Virgo 8/23-9/22

My plants keep dying and I don’t know what to do anymore

Libra 9/23-10/22

The fact that it’s March again?? Disgusting

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Shoes that look like rats

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Waiting for the WandaVision finale….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

ya know, life

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Potatoes that aren’t baked to perfection

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Most times I find the end of the term bittersweet. Not this time.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs as trending twitter hashtags

Aries 3/21-4/19  

#ballsdeep

Taurus 4/20-5/20

#gamersforgod

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

#babysfirstlawsuit

Cancer 6/21-7/22

#jarjarbinkssithlord

Leo 7/23-8/22

#BettyWhite

Virgo 8/23-9/22

#mydearestcop

Libra 9/23-10/22

#itsajokechill

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

#pogchamp

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

#howlaboutit

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

#taylorlautnersback

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

#freebritney

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

#cry

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Random!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

We used to live in an electric world

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Avatar: the Last Airbender IS anime. Argue with the wall

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

hehehe

Cancer 6/21-7/22

I’m getting more depressed by the second, let’s wrap this up

Leo 7/23-8/22

I miss you debbie come back

Virgo 8/23-9/22

This is your final warning.

Libra 9/23-10/22

If I see one more WOU student that I know on my TikTok fyp I will scream

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Do: watch a cooking show

Don’t: go to school

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

F–K YOU GABI

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

sorry i was busy playing a game abt ghosts and cults, what did you say?

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

*f a l s e*

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

“I hate to say it but I think I’m getting too old”

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